Beauty and The Beta (Bailey)

Beauty 93

Chapter 93 - Asher | flung back my office door, my head still a mess from my alteration to my dreams... | was

used to vivid dreams. Of course | was. My nights had been plagued with visions of losing Isla ever since she had

gone. Causingto relive the moment time. and tagain. Feeling the pain as the bond snapped. Feeling her

slip away from me, and the pain as my heart felt like it. shattered into a million pieces, as Zion crumbled inside

of me. Never to be the sagain... But, now, this was something else. This was a dream to betray my fated

mate. Betray the woman | had been blessed by the moon goddess. | had awoken wanting Bailey. | had woken

thinking | was about to take things further with her, and the thing that terrifiesmost, is that thought in that

moment, that was exactly what | had wanted. | had been incredibly turned on. | had wanted her. Wanted her

touch. Needed her touch. | was disappointed and terrified all in one go... | had dropped back onto the bed, with

tears leaking from my eyes at the thought of what it all meant. What it meant for Isla. Did that mean | had to let

my beautiful girl go? No. | could never do that. She had been made for me. She had died because of me. Had she

not been mine, she would never have been in this pack. She would never have been in harm’s way... she would

never have lost her life... The pain ripped throughat the thought. She had been meant for me. She had died

because she was mine, and | should honor that.wanting another woman felt so wrong. | felt like | was

betraying all we ever had. Being disloyal to our matebond, despite the fact she was no longer here to respect it

would be the wrong thing to do, in spite of what my body thought it wanted... She had been gone seven long,

lonely years now. Seven long years without my mate. Seven long years of pain. But, they would never be enough

for the sacrifice she made in being my mate. For, in choosing to be my mate, she had chosen a life here. Which

cost her her life. Just as | stepped out of the main door of the packhouse, | saw Eden pushing her stroller with the

new baby. Her face lit up at the sight of me. “Hey Ash!” she greeted me, and already | could see she

was so much more at ease now the baby had arrived. | attempted a smile in her direction, but knew | failed

miserably when she looked concerned. “You okay?” she pushed the stroller a little closer to me. “See, little Freya

wants to know if her Uncle Asher is okay?” | nodded. “I will be fine.” “Con, we are going for a walk.” She told

me. “Eden, | am busy.” | told her. “Doing?” she eyedsuspiciously, and rightly so, because | had been about to

go for a walk to clear my head, seeing as Caleb had been back in the office today, apparently desperate for a

break from the kids. Though from what | understood, Matty was spending the day fishing with his Grandpa. “Fine,

| was going for a walk.” | rolled my eyes at her, knowing she had already worked it out. Chapter 93- Asher “Well,

I shall join you.” she told me. “Assuming you aren’t planning to shift?” | could so easily lie and tell her | was, but

in truth Zion has buggered off since the dream and is refusing to speak to me. He is hurting more than he wants

to letknow, | think. Which truly doesn’t helpin anyway... “Whatever Eden, you are about to anyway, |

assume.” | told her with a shrug. She simply grinned. “Con then, Mr Cheerful. You want to push?” she

offeredthe stroller, but | declined. We walked alongside one another in silence, but | could feel her eyes upon

me. “Eden, if you need to ask something, will you just do it? Because you are makinguncomfortable by

keeping looking atlike that.” She chuckled. “Something is bothering you Ash. | would swear you looked ready

to cry before. What has happened?” she urgedas we sat on the wall overlooking the pond at the far side of

one of the many gardens in the pack. “Shit.” | muttered, not really wanting to admit to anything. “Well, why not

tell me?” she asked, as she checked on her daughter. “I will manage.” | shrugged.

“Looking at your face, and the mood you have been in of late, | would say not. Has something happened?” she

asked yet again. “Are you struggling with things with Isla again?” she reached for my hand. She knew how much

| struggled with the loss | felt from my mate dying, not to mention the guilt | battled too. 33.25% 12.02 Chapter

93-Asher | smiled sadly. “I guess you could say it is to do with that.” “Oh Ash.” She leaned her head upon my

arm. “Isla would hate that you are struggling, you know that. She also would never see you as to blfor what

happened. That was not your fault. That was the rogues, and you know it was. Nobody knew that was going to

happen. That could as easily have happened in her old pack before she chere.” She told me, and | know her

words. They are familiar toby now. This is a conversation we have had so many times before. One of the

reasons Eden and | get along so well, is she and Caleb were the ones there forwhen | lost Isla, and they saw

the effect it had upon me. They saw how damaged | was becoming, yet they never gave up on me. “What if | am

breaking Eden?” | whispered, and | felt her raising her gaze to look up at me. “In what way, Ash?” “I feel like I'm

falling apart. Like things that | should know, or | feel like | do know, are all in doubt because it feels like my own

mind is in doubt. Like | can’t trust my own thoughts. | can’t trust my own logic. Like | can’t trust my own mind.

My mind is a mess, Eden. Things are slipping out of my control. | don’t like it.” | told her, trying to put into words

how | was feeling, and | saw the fear upon her face. “Your anger?” she questioned, but | shook my head.

Strangely, this tit wasn’t my anger. That was still there simmering, of course. | doubted if that would ever go

away. But my mind was overtaken with doubt of late. A doubt that | was struggling to trust my own judgment. It

was makingquestion every little thought | had. Every decision | made. Whereas previously | was 208 Wouter

so sure of myself, now, | doubted each thought... “My thoughts. My commitment. Loyalty. Devotion.” | found

myself admitting, in spite of the shit broughtto say it. “That makes no sense, Ash. Who to?” Eden is

stroking my hand softly. “You mean to Isla?” she questioned quietly. | raised my eyes to meet her beautiful blue

eyes. One thing that | know Caleb cannot resist about his mate. So unusual and rare, and truly beautiful, and

something their children had inherited. | slowly nodded, tears filling my eyes. “Oh Asher!” She reached up and

stroked away a tear that had slipped down my cheek. “Your loyalty, devotion and commitment to Isla had never

been in question, sweetheart, and it never will be. You have mourned for your mate for seven years. You

searched for the rogue that killed her for a year after...” her voice faltered as she looked up at me. | looked

down, not wanting to think about that. Those hadn't been my greatest moments. | wasn’t at my best, of that

there was no denying. It was no wonder my pack fearedat times... “But, why do you think it is in question?

Has someone been on your mind?” she probed gently, no judgment in her tone, though | feel she likely knew the

truth. She had seen herself how | had been around Bailey while she was the hospital. “Eden, please, | do not

want anyone to know about this.” | told her urgently, desperate that this is not shared. Gossip had of spreading

around this pack like wildfire... She smiled, the familiar kind smile of the woman who had becas much like

family toas her mate had. “I won't say 12:02 Chapter 93-Asher a word.” “Not even to Caleb.” | warned her. “I

am struggling with this enough Eden. My head is battered. | don’t need others knowing and askingthings |

don’t even know the answer to myself.” She nodded again. “Okay Ash, | won't say a word. But, lettell you

this much, Isla would not see

this as you betraying her, nor your matebond. Your love for her will always be there, Ash, but she wouldn't want

you being alone forever. You have been. alone for seven years. Do you not think that is enough? Seven years of

suffering? Seven years of pain?” she softly squeezed my hand. “Isla would never want her Boo to be lonely,

especially not forever, Ash.” sat looking ahead listening to the words Eden was tellingand, as much as |

couldn't help but wonder if she may be right, it hurts to think like that. Hurts to think of moving on. Leaving my

mate behind... But | nodded to acknowledge her words. Smiling sadly across at her. “Though | do have to say,

Ash, if you are thinking there is something there, or there could be, do you not think you should be a little better

with her? A little kinder? Or else you might scare her away.” Eden says with a playful wink, tellingshe is.

teasing, but her words seem to heavily echo those of Zion, and that scaresa little... #288

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